COURAGE, COLLAPSE, AND CHOOSING CLOSURE

Feb18

OPENING THE CIRCLE: REENIE’S DILEMMA AND OUR OWN – 2/18/26

Reflection Blog: Chapters 24–27

This week’s chapters take us through some of the most emotionally complex moments in Reenie’s story so far. After a long and painful journey toward healing, we finally see her stepping into a new season of life — one marked by hope, connection, and the possibility of joy.

A New Beginning: Reenie Rediscovers Herself

Reenie’s progress in recovery is evident as she takes a brave step into dating again. With Hope by her side and a strong support network cheering her on, she allows herself to exhale and enjoy the budding relationship with Randy.  Her mother’s happiness is almost contagious; it’s as if the entire community has been waiting for Reenie to reclaim her life.

This moment matters. It shows how healing often happens in community — slowly, gently, and with people who remind us that we deserve good things.

A Sudden Turn: Grief and Relapse

Just as Reenie begins to find her footing, the news of Cameron’s death by suicide shatters her progress. The emotional whiplash is intense. Her relapse into Major Depression is not a failure but a deeply human response to trauma resurfacing.

Cameron’s death forces Reenie to confront the complicated layers of their past. She remembers his stories of abuse, his escape from a violent home, and the ways he was shaped by pain long before she ever met him. Her empathy is real — but so is her resentment. His final request feels like a burden she cannot carry.

This tension captures the truth about trauma: healing is rarely linear, and closure is never simple.

The Power of Support: Guiding Reenie Toward Resolution

Reenie’s pastor, her mother, and her circle of support step in not to pressure her, but to remind her of her own strength. They believe she can face this final chapter with courage. Even though she resists, becomes defensive, and needs time to process, they stay with her.

And slowly, Reenie emerges from the dilemma with clarity. She chooses to honor Cameron’s request — not for him, but for herself. It becomes an act of reclaiming her story rather than remaining trapped in his.

One of the most striking contrasts between the early chapters and this section of the book is how Reenie relates to public perception. At the beginning of the story, she is deeply affected by the gossip circulating through the church — whispers about Cameron shooting her, speculation about her choices, and the quiet judgment that follows trauma survivors far too often. Those voices shape her fears and keep her guarded.

But in these later chapters, when Cameron’s death becomes news and the media coverage could have easily retraumatized her, Reenie responds from a place of strength. She doesn’t let headlines or public curiosity dictate her actions. She doesn’t shrink back or hide. Instead, she chooses to honor Cameron’s final request because she believes it is the right step for her own healing.

This is a turning point. It shows that closure is not about forgetting the past but about refusing to let it define the future.

Mental Health Awareness

Reenie’s relapse is a reminder that mental health recovery is ongoing. Setbacks do not erase progress. They highlight the need for compassion, understanding, and continued support.

Family Support

Her mother’s presence — steady, hopeful, and deeply invested — demonstrates how vital family can be in the healing process. Support doesn’t fix everything, but it creates a foundation strong enough to hold someone through their darkest moments.

Trauma and Recovery

Cameron’s story underscores how childhood trauma shapes adult lives in profound ways. Reenie’s journey shows that recovery requires both confronting the past and choosing not to be defined by it.

Rebuilding a Life

Reenie’s steps toward dating, trusting, and opening her heart again are powerful examples of rebuilding. Healing is not about returning to who you were — it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more whole.

Personal Reflection

These chapters invite us to reflect on our own experiences with grief, forgiveness, and closure.

  • When have we been asked to do something emotionally difficult for the sake of healing
  • How do we respond when old wounds resurface
  • What does closure look like in our own lives

Reenie’s story reminds us that healing is not a straight line — but it is possible, especially when we don’t walk the journey alone.

Discussion Questions for Chapters 24–27

  1. Reenie’s Recovery and New Relationship
  • What does Reenie’s willingness to date again reveal about her progress in healing
  • How do Hope and Reenie’s support network influence her ability to trust someone new
  • In what ways does Randy represent a shift in Reenie’s emotional landscape
  • The Impact of Cameron’s Death
  • How does the news of Cameron’s suicide disrupt Reenie’s recovery
  • Why do you think Reenie feels both empathy and resentment toward Cameron at the same time
  • What does this moment teach us about how trauma resurfaces even after significant healing

Trauma and Recovery

  • How does learning more about Cameron’s abusive childhood shape your understanding of his behavior
  • Can compassion and boundaries coexist when dealing with someone who has caused harm
  • What does Reenie’s internal conflict tell us about the complexity of forgiveness
  • The Role of Community and Support

Food For Thought:

In the beginning, Reenie’s almost held hostage by the fear of gossip. The church community’s whispers about Cameron shooting her shape her decisions, her silence, and even her sense of identity. She’s constantly bracing herself for judgment.

But in this later moment, when the news coverage of Cameron’s death could have easily sent her spiraling again, she responds differently. She doesn’t let the media define her, shame her, or dictate her next move. She chooses her own path. She chooses what she believes is right. That shift is huge.

  • How does Reenie’s relapse challenge common misconceptions about recovery
  • What signs of resilience do you see in how she eventually responds
  • How might this part of the story help reduce stigma around depression and relapse

NOTE: My Editor had a family emergency. He is now back to working in the Digital Format as we eagerly await its release.

“COUCH POTATO, LAZY, BUM, SLOUCH: THE SOFA AND BIPOLAR DISORDER”

Feb6

“Those are just a few good labels of stigma for those of us who have a mental illness and get overwhelmed and stressed out and retreat forever on the sofa (or bed). It gets worse if you are experiencing a manic episode or are not stabilized with your mental illness.

I’m talking about those days when the weight of the world is upon your shoulders and your mind is in over-drive. So, when I was asked the other night at a NAMI meeting why people with Bipolar lay around all day on the sofa or in bed, I thought the young lady was reading my mind.

There are rough days and for some reason, the holiday season is an added stress. For the most part, when the mind is taxed and racing and burdened, everybody needs an escape plan. They need a comfort zone where life cannot penetrate. As I drove from my day job through traffic that seemed to build up my anxiety, I kept saying to myself, “Just get to the meeting and then you can get home in bed.

I wasn’t really tired and sleepy, but I needed that comfort zone real bad. So, what I explained to this young lady who is trying soo hard to live with her Bipolar relative who refuses to get treatment, is that the sofa is SAFE!

Everybody needs to find some way of removing themself from what the mind perceives as excellerated stressors. It could be something as simple as microwaving popcorn to something monumental as getting groomed and dressed!

When an individual is denying him or herself the joy of living a stable life with the aide of medications and therapy as needed, they are hanging onto the simple things that require NO energy. Their safety zone is warm and cozy and secure. They can allow their mind to go in any direction and succomb to the pressure of that sick mind. (no pun intended).

The mind feels heavy. The mind saps all available energy to race and skip along a million neurotransmiters in the brain without any effort. Believe it or not, when a person is not on medication, they become used to the mind being sick and thus, they become used to just laying around doing nothing. When you try to “help” them by fussing at them to get up and do something productive, you add to those neurotransmitters shooting around the mind. YOU become one more stressor.

That is more than likely why you find yourself in an arguement or you begin to experience your own stressors due to anger and frustrations with trying to force an untreated mentally ill person to do something he or she cannot at that time. You want action and they need safety. Pushing them with words will not work.

Of course, the first thing I did when I reached home was stretch across my bed and just downloaded my day. That is easy for me to do because I take my medications. I have grown to accept that when the world drops by unexpectedly, you have to let the world visit for a while. The more I expose my mind to the world during those visits, the harder it is to manage and cope with Bipolar Disorder symptoms: Anxiety, panic attacks, lack of sleep, restlessness, hypomania, or PTSD, etc.

What works for me is to (1) take my medications as directed in my wellness plan (2) remove all stressors from my environment – NOISE and sometimes lights (3) allow my mind to slow down by concentrating on one thing – this can be challenging but with practice, it works well in time (4) take slow, deep breaths (sometimes I like to burn scented candles or incents. Then I concentrate on just that). So, I asked this young woman about details of her relative’s environment where the sofa was. She told me the relative will have the television on and sometimes the radio, too. The lights stay on and the relative answers the phone and reads all the mail. Who really needs mail? I know already when my bills are due so once a month …..

A note about the telephone. It is a good source of communication but it can also drive you insane. If YOU receive a lot of calls and the relative is taking messages for you, etc., maybe you can work out another plan for a while.

However, a phone should also be accessible to any person and he or she should know how to contact emergency contacts such as police, fire, doctor, etc. And…I hate to say this, but, if you have friends/family who call and insult the relative over the phone, nip that situation in the bud. Every man, woman, and child is entitled to his or her dignity. (Sigh…)

I then suggested that she try turning the volume down as much as possible and then just turn the television off when safe to do so. I suggested she keep the lighting very low as possible also. I also suggested she get rid of the phone and the mail for a few days if she could. IMMHO, these were unnecessary stressors for the relative.

I also suggested she stop begging and pleading with the relative to get up and do something (anything). In exchange, I suggested she invite him to go with her just for the ride maybe to the gas station or to get coffee. Make the first few trips very brief. Allow the relative to return to the sofa as soon as they get back so the relative can “download.” I suggested that she do only that for a few days, don’t change the pattern immediately if it does not seem to work. When you change a pattern suddenly, in most cases, you have to reestablish trust. If the relative is used to you leaning on their backs, they are expecting it and that in and of itself is “stress and anxiety.” In time, when they trust you will not jump all over them, they will respond accordingly.

The biggest promise to a person with an untreated mental illness is TRUST! If you flip-flop back and forth because YOU are stressed with their situation, nobody wins. Great things come about with trust and it is all about how you communicate with a mentally ill person with words and body language. Walking pass them all day long sucking your breath and throwing hateful words is a lose-lose situation for both.

Now, with the holidays here and stress dangling from every tree, trying to force somebody to seek mental health treatment will age you rapidly. Let it go for a few days and just enjoy the Holy-Day season. (do not decorate the couch potato, please). Quit the sermons and take care of yourself!!! Take part in the festivities and get well-deserved rest.

One last thing, do not wait on a relative hand and foot and treat them like a baby. Everybody has to be accountable and responsible and doing so will never help. I am not talking about if a physical disability exists. Just the basics. Do not angrily tell somebody to get it themselves. Just politely say, “it’s in the fridge.” They can figure it out if they want it.

Ok, so this afternoon this young lady dropped me a line to say the television was OFF all day on Friday. She stated that her relative was actually calmer, too. It’s too soon to claim total victory, but she promises to check back with me. The best part is that she is calmer, too. Sunday they plan to attend church which is something the relative has not done in ages. Hopefully, it will be a successful brief outing. See, Jesus is the reason for the season….

May each and everyone of you have a very blessed and peaceful [day] and then we will jump back in with communicating with the mentally ill person when I return…..if you cannot wait, contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness at http://www.nami.org.

If there is a mental health crisis such as suicide/homicidal threats or attempts, call 988 immediately or if you can do so safely, get your loved one to a hospital at once. Don’t take it as just blowing hot air. Be blessed…

Agnes

(Reposted from 2008 archives)

REENIE STEPS INTO HEALING

Jan27

OPENING THE CIRCLE: REENIE’S DILEMMA AND OUR OWN – 1/27/26

Chapters 21–25 mark a powerful turning point in Reenie’s journey. She finally gathers the courage to share her testimony during a church service, and her honesty sparks an outpouring of praise. The congregation rises with shouts, claps, Amens, and a heartfelt chorus of “My Family Prayed For Me.” Even though a few naysayers tried to stir up gossip, Reenie refused to let negativity steal the joy of the moment.

These chapters also reveal the depth of Reenie’s emotional struggle. The trauma of the shooting and the weight of Cameron’s legal battles push her into Major Depression, though she doesn’t know to recognize the symptoms at first. She believes time alone will heal her pain, and pride keeps her from seeking help. Anger becomes a constant companion, and her panic attacks grow so intense that she repeatedly calls 9‑1‑1, convinced she’s having a heart attack.

With gentle persistence, her mother Grace encourages her to meet with a doctor — a step that leads to a diagnosis of untreated PTSD. Supported by Grace, Reenie reluctantly begins counseling and starts medication to manage her symptoms. This marks the beginning of a brave new chapter in her recovery. As Reenie grows stronger, Grace gradually steps back, though she never leaves her daughter’s side.

Reenie soon finds comfort in connecting with other crime survivors through group therapy. Building a supportive network helps her reclaim pieces of her life. She slowly ventures back into the community, doing everyday things like shopping and dining out. She also learns to navigate a new physical reality after the injuries to her back.

Spending time with her peer supporters opens her heart to possibilities she once shut out. For the first time in a long while, Reenie begins to wonder if she might allow happiness — and maybe even spending time with her peer supporters opens her heart to possibilities she once shut out. For the first time in a long while, Reenie begins to wonder if she might allow happiness — and maybe even dating — back into her life again.

Discussion Prompts for Chapters 21–25

Faith, Testimony, and Community

  • What does Reenie’s decision to share her testimony reveal about her growth at this point in the story?
  • How does the church’s reaction — both the praise and the gossip — reflect the dual nature of community support?
  • Have you ever seen a moment of vulnerability inspire others the way Reenie’s testimony did?

Mental Health Awareness

  • Reenie struggles to recognize her symptoms as Major Depression and PTSD. Why do you think it’s so common for people to overlook or minimize their own mental health needs?
  • How does pride influence Reenie’s reluctance to seek help? Can pride be both protective and harmful?
  • What role does fear play in her repeated 9‑1‑1 calls and ER visits?

Family Support

  • Grace’s persistence becomes a turning point in Reenie’s healing. What does this say about the importance of having someone who advocates for you?
  • How does Grace balance supporting Reenie while gradually stepping back as Reenie becomes stronger?
  • In what ways can family support both help and complicate recovery?

Trauma and Recovery

  • Reenie’s diagnosis of PTSD shifts her understanding of what she’s experiencing. How does naming a struggle change the way someone can approach healing?
  • What does Reenie’s participation in group therapy show about the power of shared experiences?
  • How does her physical recovery intertwine with her emotional and psychological healing?

Rebuilding a Life

  • Reenie slowly re-enters the world — shopping, dining out, meeting peers. Which of these steps feels most significant to you, and why?
  • How does connecting with other crime survivors help Reenie reclaim parts of her identity?
  • What does her openness to dating suggest about her readiness to embrace joy again?

Personal Reflection

  • Which part of Reenie’s journey in these chapters resonated with you the most?
  • If you were walking alongside Reenie as a friend, what encouragement would you offer her at this stage?

NOTE: Tenki for your patience while I was away on Sabbatical. Still expecting the Digital Format to be released any day now promises the editor.

Opening the Circle: Reenie’s Dilemma and Our Own

Nov14

In Chapters 13–16, the story takes a poignant turn as Reenie revisits the past, recalling the moment she first met Cameron and the whirlwind of love that followed. Now, determined to rebuild her life without him, she begins to re-enter the social world—leaning on her boss and friend, Monique, and attending her garden party.

Through these gatherings, Reenie and Monique’s bond deepens. Reenie, who once admired Monique’s seemingly perfect marriage, is invited into her friend’s personal world. Yet beneath the surface, cracks begin to show.

Monique quietly suspects that Reenie is trapped in an abusive marriage. Out of respect for boundaries, she doesn’t confront her directly but instead offers gentle encouragement, sisterly love, and emotional support. At the same time, Reenie’s illusions about Monique’s “storybook” marriage unravel when the garden party ends in disaster—revealing that no relationship is as flawless as it appears from the outside.

This section challenges us to reflect not only on Reenie’s dilemma but also on the hidden struggles behind the facades we encounter in our own lives.

Discussion Prompts

  • How does Reenie’s nostalgia for Cameron complicate or help her efforts to move forward?
  • What role does friendship play in helping someone navigate an abusive relationship?
  • Why do you think Monique chooses silence over confrontation when she suspects Reenie’s situation?
  • How does the revelation about Monique’s marriage shift Reenie’s perspective—and ours—on envy and appearances?
  • What parallels can we draw between Reenie’s journey and the ways we sometimes misjudge the lives of those around us?

Closing Thought

Reenie’s journey reminds us that behind every polished surface lies a story we may not fully see. As we open the circle together, let’s share our own reflections—on friendship, resilience, and the courage it takes to face hidden truths.

Did You Know?

Veterans experience significantly higher rates of domestic abuse (intimate partner violence) compared to civilians, with prevalence estimates ranging from 13% to nearly 60% depending on the population studied. Women veterans are particularly vulnerable, and PTSD is a major risk factor for both victimization and perpetration.

PTSD link: Veterans with PTSD are three times more likely to perpetrate IPV compared to those without PTSD.

Mental health conditions: PTSD, depression, and substance abuse strongly correlate with IPV. Learn more HERE: https://solaramentalhealth.com/veterans-and-domestic-violence/.

Learn more about PTSD HERE: https://www.facebook.com/VAPTSD

DIGITAL FORMATE UPDATE: WINTER RELEASE STILL EXPECTED. 🙂

CHAPTERS 10-12 IS HERE!

Oct28

OPENING THE CIRCLE: REENIE’S DILEMMA AND OUR OWN

Opening the Circle: Reenie’s Dilemma and Our Own

In these pivotal chapters, Reenie confides in her pastor about the emotional wreckage of her marriage and her resolve to take the final step—filing for divorce. Meanwhile, Cameron spirals into a drunken stupor, unable to cope with Reenie’s departure. When Reenie returns with her parents to collect the last of her belongings, she’s met with a disturbing scene: the apartment reeks of spoiled food, and her clothes have been violently shredded—clear signs of Cameron’s rage and unraveling.

Reenie’s mother urges her not to clean up the mess, but to salvage what she can and leave. The presence of her parents offers Reenie the emotional strength she needs to move forward.

After relocating to her parents’ home and placing her belongings in storage, Reenie begins to rebuild. She and her father, Matthew, sit down to create that budget Reenie needs to free herself from marital debt while her mother prepares dinner. A flicker of hope emerges—Cameron will owe her alimony, and with that, Reenie begins the long journey of emotional healing from the pain of a broken marriage.

Discussion Prompts

Let’s go beyond the plot and explore deeper themes of resilience, boundaries, and emotional recovery:

  1. Cameron’s destruction of Reenie’s belongings is a visceral expression of his rage. What does this act reveal about his emotional state and the power dynamics in their relationship?
  1. Reenie’s mother insists she not clean up Cameron’s mess. What does this moment say about reclaiming agency and refusing to take responsibility for someone else’s chaos?
  1. Reenie’s budgeting session with her father marks a turning point. How does this scene symbolize the beginning of her independence and healing?
  1. The chapter title, “Opening the Circle,” suggests a shift. What do you think the “circle” represents, and how is it being opened?
  • How does the author use physical space—the trashed apartment vs. her parents’ home—to reflect Reenie’s emotional journey?

NOTE: Digital Format Is Pending For “I Saw You In His Eyes: Reenie’s Story”

ROME.

Oct14

I am finally beginning to walk daily and see improvement. I always wanted to visit Rome, but was reluctant due to spine injury. I believe if
I continue to see improvement, I will vist Rome without being convinced my ability to walk would make it a poor choice. It’s exciting to think I could indeed visit Rome one day.

OPENING THE CIRCLE: REENIE’S DILEMMA AND OUR OWN

Oct14

As promised, Chapters 9 is HERE!

Reenie is preparing for a pivotal moment: a counseling session with her pastor to discuss ending her marriage. As she reflects, she begins to process the physical abuse she has endured from Cameron. Though the violence is escalating, Reenie often dismisses it, believing she might be overreacting.

What’s especially telling — and heartbreakingly common among victims of domestic abuse — is that Reenie never reveals the physical harm to anyone. Instead, she focuses on Cameron’s infidelity. According to research, this silence is typical: victims often conceal physical abuse due to shame, fear, or emotional overwhelm.

One reader insightfully noted that Reenie internalizes her pain, likely feeling embarrassed and ashamed that Cameron is also physically abusive. There are hints of self-blame, yet Reenie does not appear to exhibit trauma bonding. Her desire to leave the marriage is clear. With the loving support of her parents, Reenie has a path forward.

Reflection Prompt: Why do you think Reenie chooses to focus on Cameron’s cheating rather than the physical abuse? What does this reveal about how society — and survivors themselves — perceive different forms of betrayal?

⚠️ A Note of Caution and Care: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, it’s essential to have a safety plan. Reach out to trusted individuals or professional resources. You are not alone.

  • Follow-Up Reflection and Journal Questions.  Put on Reenie’s shoes.
  • What do you think Reenie’s silence about the physical abuse says about her character — or about the environment she’s in?
  • Consider how culture, community, or personal history might influence her decision.
  • Why might infidelity be easier to talk about than physical violence, even when both are forms of betrayal?
  • How does society respond differently to each?
  • Reenie’s parents are described as loving and supportive. How might their presence influence her ability to leave the marriage?
  • What role does family support play in breaking cycles of abuse?
  • Who can you trust to support you?
  • Do you think Reenie’s decision to meet with her pastor reflects strength, fear, hope — or something else?
  • How do faith and community leaders shape the choices of people in abusive relationships?
  • What signs of resilience do you see in Reenie’s story?
  • How can we better recognize and support resilience in real-life survivors?

Finally, I agree that reading the accompanying Scriptures will help you talk to your religious leader about domestic violence in your marriage or relationship if that is what you choose to do.

See, End Domestic Violence Hotline:

See you October 28 for Chapters 10-12!